Monday, December 12, 2005
Advent reflection
As requested, here's the reflection I wrote for last night's service...
One of the moments of my pregnancy that will always stay with me happened in a clerical vestments shop in Asissi.
Ian, Mike and I were on holiday in Tuscany. About 10 days beforehand, we’d been told during a routine scan that there was potentially a problem with our baby’s brain. Most of the time I was able to stay positive and believe that it was only a small possibility that something was actually wrong.
However, that morning I’d woken up early and gone through a whole worst-case scenario during that “between sleeping and waking” state. This had really rattled me and I was finding it hard to hold myself together – I couldn’t stop crying. And I couldn’t talk about it – somehow, putting my fears into words would make it all even more real. So, we went out to visit Asissi as we’d planned.
We went into a shop where Ian was looking at cassocks, I wandered around the shop and found a load of icons. One of them just stopped me in my tracks and I couldn’t take my eyes off it. It was an icon of the Madonna and child, and it was the look on her face that I was so struck by. She was holding the baby close to her face, and there was a tear on her cheek, she looked so sad. I had, for a long time, thought of having a child as the greatest joy – the thing I longed for most, and now I could begin to see that the greatest joy could also open you up to the possibility of the greatest pain and sorrow. I found the picture a huge comfort and began to see why Mary is such an important figure. I felt like someone else was with me in what I was feeling. I know that God is neither male nor female, but most of the main NT characters are men. I felt like I could identify with her, and she with me. It may not make a lot of sense – but that’s what I felt.
Shortly after that, we went into a church and I lit a candle and said a prayer to Mary for the first time in my life.
